Phones

Been missing you, Your aching heart.

Tried to call, Decided not.

I wonder who’s taken my spot.

The one you call, 

You called a lot.

Angels

They meet us

almost silently

as we play like kids at recess

they are strong

as they solidify

we feel them grounding in our feet

nailing us into the present

Never as it seems.

We look straight ahead

”this is why we’re here”

I get up to cook dinner

I forgot about the fear.

Disguise

I nod my head and walk in circles

tracking loops, the color purple

Feedback — 

this isn’t that

that isn’t this.

Full trust it is.

Tomorrow

I ran frantic through the winding streets

the heartbeat buzz of honey bees

I held my chest to keep my feet

while lovers kissed in front of me

What beauty human life can be.

I knew you’d meet me here

Because the night before

was restless without fear

I can’t explain it

But the path appeared so clear

Like a dream I swore

you’re headlights, I’m the dear

and our worlds would merge

today, right now, right here.

I drank the nectar dry

My first sunshine in quite some time

Wrote poems of the long train ride

Virginina took up most of my mind

That

As soon as I met you

I knew you would die

and one day that would kill me.

It might not be soon,

But if I’m still here

I don’t know what will become of me.

Change

I’m scared to grow up because I know I don’t have to 

Tired of ways we’ve been living in the past, you gave me

what you gave just to ask for it back

now you’re telling me to change but I’ve never been good at 

that

And when you make that face

it makes me want to run to

any other place,

I am tired of our ways

we’ve been living in the past

and when you make that face

it makes me want to punch you

I know I need to change

 I’ve just never been good at doing things I have to

Anti-Paros

A symphony of cicadas Drummed on, 

raving in the distance 

You held my gaze in protest to the truth you had to witness, and

I didn’t fear persistence, but

I guess I feared your pride.

You got up from the table and you didn’t say goodbye.

Sex

What else could I do?

Try to stop a train for you?

I’d lay down on the tracks

Tie all of my hair back

It’s just a sexual offering

For the man who has my back

Faster than a scary dream

I forgot how to think things

January

You’re five feet away

But it takes an hour to say

I’m open to the kind of talk where we don’t look away

from this dumpster fire we made

Horses

We are the horses

charging into open space

All our possessions fade to commonplace

I admit I’m scared of this, but far more scared of loneliness

Bring me back to life, we’re not made to sleep alone at night

Now we’re dressed in white, two plus two can equal five

In the aftermath of the human race

We’re hand and hand and face to face, the only truth we’ve ever known

the best goodbye is letting go

Bring me back to life, we’re not made to sleep alone at night

Now we’re dressed in white

Two lost souls who won the fight

Absurd

Don’t feel absurd

when you’re misunderstood

Doing all the random shit you think you should.

Wear a coat made of fur

and go out in the world

The damage incurred is your gem in the dirt.

For Once

I want to go home, I say

crying in the cab

We talk until our bones both break

At least we said it loud

Usually I’m up with shame

From everything I said

Today I feel nothing at all

That part of me is dead.

There’s nothing left to say

to you

Hangover of the day

I didn’t get what I wanted

for once, I am okay

Heard

I hear your voice in random men

Across large rooms I’ve never been

I couldn’t get enough of it

I don’t even know what it is

Because you and me can barely speak

I get the chills imagining

I know you

I know you

more than you wanted me

to know you

all the places you hide

in plain view

you’re defensive I know

and it’s cute

Because you don’t know what I’m gonna do. 

This information

I know you hate

The desperation passing through

You look away 

I look at you 

Caught

Truth I tried tell

Tightens like a corset 

Do you even believe me?

It wasn’t utter joy

and I’ll always wonder why. 

Trickery

It’s a trick played on myself

That someone who I love enough will make me love myself

So again, I sealed my fate

To let my old self die,

I thought I knew the reason, I thought I knew the why

I’ll find a steady ground to sleep

Commune with you,

Return to me,

”It’s exactly what I need,”

But do I yet believe?

When I’m so used to trickery?

Fickle how the mind contends

with future plans and open ends

It’s only for the ride

Take me up the tallest stairs

and then back down the slide

River Zen

Run slowly through the wilderness

Don’t forsake the smells

The Earth is bold, and ever gold

May grow from hellish depths

“I’m never leaving, no 

I’m never leaving this”

The horses run and run and run

and rapture we commend

Casually mistaken for a

Right of passage when

Lest ever-present wisdom

Wrinkles all the faces in the end

Indignant for her dignity

The harshest lessons are 

No curved remorse or shattered Earth

Can dim a growing star

Blessed be the wisdom here is never really far

It’s under wraps, a light unmatched

A grossly severed arm

Conclude an artist prison, An artist knows she wept

The seas will never flicker light

Before the Phoenix met

A cousin or a sibling 

or a bird who knows its flight

Conscious of religion, Conscious of the night.

Winter by the Lake

Candlelit dinners

all prepped for the winter

Fugitives in a jar.

They watching from the window

It’s only a window —

inches from where you are.

No one suggesting

it’s a happy ending,

Driving in tinted cars.

So why do I do it

I’m already ruined,

Didn’t think I’d get this far.

Curse

I no longer fear the curse

of sticking to my word

The fates aligned

and I’ve got time

to light it up and then arrive.

The heavens open wide.

I’m swimming in the wine.

It’s pleasant and it’s perfect

And meticulously mine.

Hear me when I tell you

I used to fear for my whole life

But at once I arrived.

The miracle of mixed reviews,

The miracle of time.